This is my writing assessment. I have worked on improving it's punctuation, spelling, and vocabulary.

Warning some time in this story there will be something you should not let your children read. On an amazing sunny day my nan was coming to pick me up to go to the Kaikohe East gala. I was so excited. My mum said to me “ pack you some clothes you might go to the farm.” A little while later my nan arrived I hopped in the car and shut the door slam!. I I was squashed, I was a tuna in a can.

We had arrived at the gala. My nan and I went to get some tickets and three green bracelets that could allow you to ride on any game for free. One was for Andy one was for Konrad and one was for me.

The first game we went on was bumper balls.  I was so excited. We all had to hop in a corner and run to the middle and boll other people over and each other, instantly I boiled them over.  It was awesome. We bumped into  each other .We were elephants in a stampede. When it had been five minutes we had to hop out.

Next we went to the bouncy castle I was extremely excited. We were the flash. It was as freaky as the sky tower. I was shaking like an earthquake was happening. You know that feeling? (I really wanted to go down straight away.) But I was hopping Konrad and Andy didn't find out.

Later on we went on the bumper cars. It was fantastic.  But also scary I didn't want to be shamed. You know what I mean? .

A few minutes later we went to get a drink. I had coke Andy had sprite and Konrad had LmP. When I opened the lid the fizzi went in my face. Like little baby kangaroos were jumping in my face.  But it was so refreshing.

Later we had to leave I wished that it could never end. I thought my day was amazing.I loved my day so much like my dad.